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Here's a conundrum. 

How can it feel like everything sucks when you know everything's good? 

My grades are good. I haven't missed any class. I've got enough money to survive for a couple months. I'm applying for a passport as preparation for studying abroad. I get to sleep in and stay up late. I've started tutoring a 3rd grader twice a week. I'm piecing things together. 

But there's something else, and I can't shake it.

I miss Jenny. As if that wasn't obvious. I miss her a lot. It's not easy going from a summer attached at the hip to a winter an ocean apart. In fact it kind of sucks. Skype makes it easy to see her face and hear her laugh and view her world, but it's certainly not the same. The lack of physical contact is the least of my worries. It's the lack of real eye contact and energy connection. When you're in a room with someone, you can look them in the eyes and you can feel their presence, feelings that are impossible to reproduce over the internet. This is why communication has been ultimately disappointing. While I am glad to hear her voice and find out about her day, it turns to heartache and yearning when those video-calls end and leave me wanting more. 

And that sucks because that's all we have, for now. 

I walk around my life and try to focus on the good, including, even, the fact that I'm in love and a better man because of it, the fact that I have an awesome girlfriend doing awesome things in South Korea, the fact that I possess a love that not everyone has a chance to experience. 

I can't imagine what she's going through and I know it's been a tough adjustment. I want to stay positive and happy for her so when she calls after a rough day, I'm there for her. I will always be there for her, regardless, I just need to figure out how to feel normal again. Nothing has felt the same since she left. In Jenny's blog she mentioned a need to let the past be the past and focus on the present. I'm trying. I'm totally trying. The present just kinda sucks without her.