2,937.05

I start the day waking up around 9 and waste enough time on the internet to feel lazy, so I start writing, but then it becomes noon-time and I get hungry, so I venture to Grocery Outlet for a jug of cranberry juice and some batteries. Not exactly lunch. I play some videogames and smoke some pot and stay lazy for the afternoon until Jenny wakes up in South Korea and we have plans to watch "Like Crazy" together. It takes a couple tries to get the movie to synch, and then it doesn't, so we watch it separately, but together, and are equally befuddled by the abrupt ending. I see it a tad more positively than Jenny, but I think part of that has to do with loving the movie because I've loved it since the trailer was released. As the movie's happening, Grandma calls to leave a message saying she wants to go to New York for Thanksgiving and asks if I want to go too (and to look for tickets). Fuck yes I want to go to New York. I call her back after the movie and get some details (she's thinking Tuesday through Saturday). Tickets are about 650 per person. She's paying. Anyway, I look at tickets for like half-a-second before Brendan calls and wants to know if I want to help christen his new pipe he bought in San Fran, so I hop on my bike and head over immediately. He lives in a 14-person commune on I Street and I meet his landlord, Chris, and this couple, Nick & Jessie, before smoking on the back porch. Brendan offers me a partially-frozen beer and we play a round of Foosball before leaving for dinner. Just to be clear, I consider myself friends with Brendan, but everyone else I meet is a total stranger. I wanted Kelly to go so I'd have another friend, but she was busy, so I tried to put aside my shy tendencies and really connect with people as an individual. It worked out alright. I walked with Brendan to Chicago Fire to meet Nadire and Keilan, but they didn't have reservations and we couldn't wait an hour for a table. Instead we wound up at Pete's on the corner near Luigi's (where the show was) and we met up with Ivan and Chris for pizza and beer. Here, Nadire and Keilan gave me this big book about Istanbul and so I spent most of the dinner looking through the pictures and asking Nadire (who was raised there) about the city and what to expect. She, like everyone I've talked to about Istanbul, seems to love the place. Keilan has also been there and was excited to share his American view of the experience. I can't wait to go. The place looks fucking gorgeous. So then we finish dinner and head over to Luigi's. Here, still getting to know everyone, things get a little uncomfortable when everyone seems to know everyone else and I only sort-of know Brendan. But I get a beer and I join a circle and start chatting with this German guy, Flo, and conversation slowly expands to more people and then Brendan wants to go listen to one of the opening bands, so I head into the other room with him. Here, I meet his friend Sydney, this college girl who explains the differences between the four stages of Aquarius and confesses her troubled past that led her to a recent reawakening. I give her the best advice a 24-year-old can give, then she leaves to find her roommates and I make a trip to the bathroom. Afterward, I'm back by the stage and another opening band plays a few songs while I catch up with Emily, who bumps into me with same-old-same-old news and a smile that lets me know she's happy. I haven't seen her since I worked at Old Soul. I head back to the bar to get one more beer and then end up hanging out with Nadire, Chris and Julie again. Here I find out more about Julie and we end up talking about television shows. The group breaks when the headliner, Y La Bamba, starts playing. I do my usual head-bob-and-sway routine and the band is really great and I would've bought the vinyl if I had more cash. Great show. Afterward, some folks were going to Badlands for an after-party, but I wasn't interested in the plan and decided to head home instead. The end. 

2,999.12

Yellow cable, stop requested. Everything shakes. The doors sound like opening the jaws of some rusty old beast unburied from the planet’s core. Some depart, some step onboard. The commuters dance for steady footing before the engine lurches and anything loose will rattle. People cling to their seats like spots on a life raft. The brakes squeak. The woman’s voice on the intercom tells you where the next stop is and she sounds like she’s talking you down from a panic attack. We all pretend not the smell the weed or the excessive cologne or the body odor, for fear it might be us, for fear of hurt feelings in tight spaces. Mostly silence. The conversations that do happen, we’re all a part of them whether we want to be or not. The graffiti on the seatbacks shares its answer to life’s biggest question. You wonder how often they clean these surfaces. You contemplate pulling the emergency exit handle on the edge of the nearest window, just to see what happens. Stop requested. Screws are loose. Paint is peeling. The evidence of generations of commuters that took this route before you, trapped in the DNA of the bubblegum wad stuck under your chair. We’re the most united when we make room for the guy in the wheelchair, when we give up our seats for the elderly, when small children drool and smile at us while their mother searches frantically for her bus pass. It’s my stop. I pull the yellow cord.

3,007.95

For whatever reason, Eighty Thoughts:

1. Okay, I believe you, vinyl is better.
2. I like the sound of sirens in the distance.
3. When I walk I look at people and smile, but usually they're not looking.
4. I like the feeling of leaving a shadow and entering the sun. 
5. Part of me thinks we communicate half the time with telepathy.
6. Why don't we have more parks?
7. I miss VHS. 
8. I think parents assigning a bedtime is a violation of human rights. 
9. I'll never agree with the "a" in orange.
10. I've probably never made as much as a professional leaf blower.
11. Does anyone know what the "i" stands for in "iPhone?"
12. Nothing we do goes unnoticed anymore. 
13. Youth is for risking. 
14. Sometimes I just feel really damn good and I like that.
15. Positivity goes a long way.
16. You will be bored sometimes.
17. I'm glad I got quicker at tying my shoes.
18. At what age did I decide not to add any new movies to my "Top 5" list?
19. Anyone who says alcohol isn't worse than marijuana is drunk.
20. I miss blowing smoke rings.
21. I like the rush of a good flashback.
22. We're nothing if we don't share.
23. Two things effect everyone: gravity and music.
24. Nothing beats a good apple.
25. My appocolypse of choice: asteroid impact.
26. Pressing the garage-door opener button was the best part of coming home.
27. I think we should all spend more time in trees.
28. I bet trash likes getting caught in the wind.
29. It's weird when someone reminds you of someone else.
30. I love the word skyscraper.
31. Eavesdropping is a guilty pleasure of mine.
32. Mirrors still trip me out.
33. I don't understand how batteries recharge.
34. I absolutely love Disneyland. 
35. How did we end up with so many Law & Orders?
36. Will I ever start a riot?
37. When I was a kid I only had my eggs scrambled. 
38. The saxophone always wins. 
39. Ever stop to realize you're reading a bunch of 1's and 0's?
40. The bottom of the ocean terrifies me.
41. Don't picture a baby's birth in zero gravity. Too late.
42. One of my dreams is to become famous from t-shirts. 
43. Google Maps knows too much and must be stopped. 
44. What's it called when you have a fear of the flu shot?
45. Instead of zombie invasion, I want a dinosaur invasion.
46. The typewriter was fucking brilliant.
47. I never got a snow day. 
48. Imagine if you knew everyone on the planet.
49. I like screen doors on summer days. 
50. I'm at my most self-conscious when I'm playing pool.
51. Nothing scares me more than slippery roads.
52. These days, you might be forgotten, but you're never deleted.
53. I want to see a ghost. 
54. I feel like I underestimate what an explosion feels like. 
55. Cows really don't say anything other than, "Moo," do they?
56. I forgot how good good grades feel.
57. I can't believe how much more there is to learn.
58. Think of all those people you met once and never saw again.
59. It was a big relief to find out I wasn't the only one masturbating.
60. I don't know how to explain why I like dubstep.
61. I've never been punched in the face.
62. Hackers are the new Robin Hood. 
63. None of my paper-airplanes ever flew very far.
64. Why do my eyes water when I yawn?
65. Everyone deserves to experience a long hot shower.
66. What generation will be the one to forget The Beatles?
67. Why are antiques so expensive?
68. We're never going to have flying cars. 
69. I want more touch-screens in my life.
70. I'd hate to die laughing at something inappropriate.
71. I'd wish for us to have the gravity of the moon.
72. I love dreams you wake from, then return to.
73. I have no interest in riding in a submarine.
74. It was the lighter before the match.
75. I think blimps are adorable.
76. The word syrup makes my mouth water.
77. Sometimes apple juice is fucking awesome. 
78. Coinstar is embarrassing. 
79. I can't believe how much coffee we drink.
80. I want more music in public places.

3,070.13

I've been listening to "Oh Sweet Nothin" by the Velvet Underground on repeat, on vinyl, for most of the day. Fitting, too, since I've spent a lot of the day thinking about life, the biggest sweet nothing of them all. That's the problem with life, isn't it? That it comes down to nothing, sweet as it may be. But that's not why I feel like writing. As a matter of fact, I can't even explain why I feel like writing. You might as well ask me why I feel like breathing. Writing is what I choose to do with the sweet nothing of life. You cannot make something out of nothing unless you create. This is my creation.

I'm now addicted to drawing a cartoon character that I've named Munk. I've recently graduated from fully animated images to mixed-media. If I had something more than the bare minimum for photo editing, maybe I'd get a little fancier. I miss using Paint.NET. I'm wondering if I just keep making more and more of these Munk cartoons that some kind of narrative form will develop. It'd be nice to find some way to combine all my hobbies into one. 

I think that's one of the secrets of the sweet nothing: to fully realize all of your skills. 

Jack and I went to Yazmin's second-saturday shindig and listened to some live bands play short sets to a small crowd in a cement warehouse. We got stoned first in an alleyway between grimy dumpsters and quenched our cotton-mouths at a liquor store oasis. Finally we met Jake and Yazmin outside and helped them carry boxes of food into the venue. We sat in a round booth with a padded bench and I watched people shift among the multicultural crowd. The music was lively. Black-lights glowed purple overhead while the singers played beneath strings of Christmas lights and extension cords. The crowd vanished when the middle-aged folk singer took the stage and we found our way to Old Soul to grab munchies. I spent the rest of the night staying warm in my room.

Somehow it becomes 1:30 AM. 

I miss Jenny.

Here are some pictures of the trees outside of my room.

3,089.06

The only reason I'm blogging right now is because it's 11/11/11 and that shit only happens once. Just kidding. The reason I'm blogging is because I woke up early and can't fall back to sleep. Looks like it's gonna rain today. It's Friday, by the way. Already. And it's already the 11th, of November, and in case you weren't paying attention the year is almost over. Just like that.

Last night Daniel threw a dinner party with risotto and squash ravioli. Great food, good turnout. Kelly and I showed up around eight. The three roommates were there, of course: Rita, Alan, and Daniel. Then there was Katy and Katie, followed by another trio of folks and Brendan. Three glasses of wine and a full-stomach later, the bunch of us were gathered around the table playing card games and I was having a better time than I expected to (generally prone to talking myself out of such social endeavors). Katie (or Katy, I forget) has been a teacher for 12 years and now works at a charter school and loves it. Rita subs at the same school. So not only did I get to hear a bunch of positive things about teaching, but any time I mentioned Istanbul people made Oh Faces and told me how awesome that place is. Brendan even knows someone whose family lives there. I didn't really get to know the other three people before Kelly was ready to go. Nice to catch up with Alan. Daniel was busy in the kitchen, but he seems to be doing good and it was nice to meet his new girl. They rolled ravioli together and it was adorable. It was a nice night. Very comfortable. When I got home I put in some work on my new cartoon endeavor and passed out around midnight. I'm calling it Munk's Tale. 

This weekend I have a grammar project and a research paper to finish. 

I also don't have to tutor for the rest of the month.

3,144.86

I got my passport. My paperwork for Global Education is finally finished. 

In the meantime it's a no-show at tutoring, a delicious homemade pumpkin pie, an evening with friends at Kelly's house, a warm fire, a stressful game of Jenga, doodling, a dozen hours of Uncharted 3, a few non-stick story ideas, some 30 Rock, some fancy chocolate, a trip to the Co-Op, peanut-butter-jelly sandwiches, a physical, two mid-terms, volunteering at the CATESOL conference, meeting the new housemates, meeting Brady and Ana's new kittens, playing Battlefield 3, watching a few short films online, staying in touch with Jenny, catching up with old friends and trying to stay warm.

All is well.

Also, I came across a neat Uncharted 3 glitch:

And this:

3,200.15

Life. Life. Life. 

I feel like my writing is going through growing pains right now. It feels like a teenager watching his older brother having a great time in college. All the published writers exist in some second-tier world that I really want to be a part of, but I'm still a few grades behind. So I've been churning out short-story idea after idea, but following through with none of them. I want to write something powerful. I want to write something that really matters. So I'm getting picky. Really picky. But at least I'm writing. Maybe I oughtta try more screenplays.

I started this, too. The Story of Abe.

Uncharted 3 was worth every penny. I've been playing it for about 9 hours and I'm always happy with a game if the single-player campaign takes longer than 8. The story is pretty simple action-adventure stuff, but the character development is perfect and you really care about the characters, not just the one you control. Anyway, I feel like I could talk about the Uncharted games for days.

The point is, between squeezing my brain for short-story concepts and battling against henchmen in the streets of Yemen, I've become distant from the blog. The past four days really flew by. Last weekend was long and mellow, spiced by a trip to Antique Row with Kelly and Jake. Didn't do anything for Halloween, though I want to save my costume idea for another year, thinking maybe Jenny and I can go to some big city Halloween celebration next year. Maybe New York. Also saw Phantogram with Iven and Patsy, Tuesday night. Another great Harlow's experience. Bonfire the next night, a small one, with Iven, Melanie, Jack, Drew, Andy, Chris and Katie. Suffice to say I was well-drugged and half the stuff I said was nonsense, so that was a little embarrassing, but it was still fun to see Melanie (an old high school friend, visiting from Hawaii) and hang out by the fire. Had to finish a project for my Teaching ESL class. Got two tests next week, one in ESL and one in Grammar. My focus is now back on the research paper, which is tedious and feels like pulling splinters. I found out that I shouldn't buy my plane ticket to Istanbul until mid-December after orientation. Tutoring is going well. Good kid, a little light on the attention span, but interested enough to get back on task. The weather is getting cold. It rained on Thursday. Today I took a photo walk and paid my rent (hence the dramatically lower account total).

Tomorrow I'm going to some CATESOL convention in Davis to help with the audio/video equipment. I guess. I have no idea what's going on there or what kind of equipment they'll need help with, but it's something new to do with a Saturday, so why not. Trouble is I have to wake up at 6:20 in the morning just to be ready for the girl who I'm carpooling with. I don't even know when I'm going to be home. 

Spent part of the afternoon at Kelly's where I worked on my research paper and she rearranged her living/bedroom. It took me hours to finally shape together a decent section about economic bubbles and the state of higher education. Hours. I don't understand why it feels so difficult to piece together this essay. Still nice to be with company. 

If there's one thing I know about life, it's the value of having friends around to share the time with. Jenny has mentioned a need to find a buddy in Korea to hang out with since Megan's so busy. I can understand that. This is the reason I choose to keep the weekly bonfires happening. We need people in our lives, either living down the street or thousands of miles away at the end of a Skype call. It might take a lot of work to keep in touch, but friendship is built on memories and the best memories never fade.

I'm starting to recognize the reality that my plans for the future will take me away from Sacramento (at least for a while), and soon I'll be in a position like Jenny's, far from the familiar without anyone to explore it with (until I'm in Korea in the summer, at least). But that's what I'm aiming for. I will miss my friends. I will miss my family. Yet there are parts of this world I'd rather feel for myself than see on movie screens and cruise-ship advertisements. Life is our once chance to see as much as we can. I want to be able to say, "I've done this," rather than, "I wish I had." The cool this is, Jenny wants the same thing.

Anyway, I'll have to be around to finish school, so Sacramento's not letting me leave yet.

As of now, I'm a little uncomfortable with my bank account all but skipping over the 3,000s. I know I need to be careful now. But I'm happy. Jenny is doing well. School is fine. I haven't missed a single class yet. Plus I've got Uncharted 3 and it's awesome, so life is good.